Shopping With My Crazy Sister
by Cougarfang15
Summary: Edward goes on a shopping trip with Bella and Alice and see's how horrific shopping with Alice really is. E/B I suppose and A/J only if you squint.Oneshot


**W-o-w. It has been so long since I had a great idea. I had this one a while ago and I was waiting for a free weekend so that me and my pal could write it together, maybe it'd help her get readers (she writes with Author characters which is not always the most popular choice) but really our schedules do not match and it seems that when we do have free time it is one of my arguing days and I always get ticked at her (Honestly I still am from last weekend). Anyways, I had to write this soon. So when I got a chance between Geometry, Algebra, this whole freshman rush, band marching, and Jazz band I thought I would jot this down.**

**This will be a two-shot ONLY if I get TEN reviews asking for it.**

**Disclaimer: There is a magic world where up is down, right is left, rainbows drive us to school, candy falls from the skies, pop is allowed in schools along with skittles (I hate this rule and really want my mountain dew and skittles combination back) kids rule the school, English class is free write all day (Stop making me write about these stupid pointless topics! And stop making idiots grade my paper!) Boys are not dense and the magical unicorns, purple elephants, and ninja monkeys come to watch the band march at football games. But even in this world I am not worthy enough to own Twilight.**

**This is before they got married and they were still in school. In between** _New Moon_ **and** _Eclipse_

_EPOV_

It all started out as any other normal day; the sun not shining, the grass soaked with yesterdays rain and Bella. So I expected it to go just as most days do, wonderful. I thought everything was wonderful when Bella was around.

I was wrong.

I'll admit it's a sad thing to be wrong about, but I'd have to say Bella or no Bella the activity we were currently doing was _not _at all wonderful. I would rather be at home even though Emmett and Rosalie were playing this crazy new game that was so disturbing that there was no way Bella was setting foot in the house while they were playing it. Ugh, I shudder to think about it.

Nothing could be worse than this though. After all the years I've lived you think I would have done this before, at least once. I kind of wish maybe I had, and then Bella wouldn't get to see how horrified I was. Maybe I would have been prepared. I would have thought of an excuse or at least seen the reason to have one.

"Oh come on Eddie it's only been three hours." My twisted little sister chirped. Bella stood next to her and let her warm brown eyes drink in my horrification.

I was going to _die_. Well, die again.

I don't know what was wrong with me really. Why in the world did I suggest this? What possible good could come of this? I looked over at Bella and wondered if she knew how much of a stupid idea this was.

Yes. Yes she could. I was always letting her do this; telling her it was important to live life's full experience.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered as the little sprite bounced eagerly into the dressing room.

"It's okay. I do think that this could be used as an interrogational technique though." I smiled briefly. She was right. This was extremely awful.

"Poor Jasper. Everyday…" She trailed off staring blankly as she sifted through some jeans. I silently agreed. I don't know how she gets him to come with her all the time. I'm sure glad I don't.

Now if I were with just Bella it wouldn't be so bad. Alice on the other hand though…

Now I love my sister, but if she dragged me shopping everyday I think I might end up in a mental institution because I probably wouldn't be able to stop blabbing. I'd be just like her, "Do these shoes go with these pants? Does this dress come in pearl?"

Ok. So about the last comment, I never actually _knew _pearl was a color. I just thought, uh pink? No. You know what I learned today?

Pearl is NOT the same as pink, stripes make fat people look fatter and skinny people skinnier, polka dots are weird on a shirt or skirt but look fine when they're on a dress (still don't know _why_), aqua is a different shade than turquoise, three inch heels are better than five inch heels because five inch heels look sluttish, and all girl shorts are short shorts.

I could have gone FOREVER without knowing this!

I was content on sitting here for the first two hours but when they started to ask my opinion and try to buy me things I think I may have lost a few brain cells.

Really now people, was it necessary for me to know my skin tone (Which is funny because I don't really have and skin _tone_) is just perfect for purple or shades of purple such as violet.

Okay so I'll bite (no pun intended), what's the difference between violet and purple?

Why do girls know this stuff anyways? Is there some crazy cell in their body that makes them spend lots of money on unnecessary things? Alice has never needed a five star volumizing 20-dollar shampoo and I don't see why she needs it now. Or conditioner. Whatever.

The point is why is she buying the freaking store?

"I hate my this." I spat and Bella turned to giggle.

"I told you it was awful," she whispered. "But you just needed convincing." I moaned and placed my head in my hands. When would she be done?

I moaned again, this time only to be caught be the pixie exiting the dressing room.

"Oh jeez. You're such a whiner Edward." She huffed and sifted through her new 'Victoria's secret' handbag.

Huh. What is Victoria's _secret_ anyways?

As I wondered my probably doomed guy question with no answer I heard the most amazing sound I have heard yet today.

Alice swiping her credit card.

I turned my attention immediately onto her and she laughed.

"We're done?" I asked hoping maybe I could get Bella home before Charlie.

She grinned though, it was an evil twisted grin and I swear I could hear that ominous evil laugh they have in movies—you know, "mwahahahaha!" in a real deep voice?

"With this store Eddie. We still have the whoooooole mall."

**Review Please! TEN reviews asking me to make it a two shot and I will. No less though.**


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